Thank you. This made me cry. I am right there. …

Comment on To the Mom of a Nursing Toddler by Ruthie.

Thank you. This made me cry. I am right there. She’s 27 months also. And I am sooooo incredibly tired and feel my whole essence both disappearing in to the long nursing nights and the brain – vacant days as a result, mixed with the emotions of knowing it’s coming to an end ‘soon’ (whenever that will be) with lots of judgements around us, albeit ‘well meaning’ and the whole melting pot of emotions that can be breastfeeding. We also lost another baby this time last year and I know that its affecting my capacity to gently wean… all I want to do is hold our little lady close and give her the warmth, love, security and attachment that she still needs and asks for but at the same time I feel this massive pull to just allow my body to rest and recharge. I have been advised gently by the osteopath whom is very holistic and pro-AP and gentle weaning that my body is so incredibly tired that I should consider the impact that continuing to breastfeed, is having on my physical and emotional aspects of myself. I have a 6 year old and BF him until he was 17months so I know I guess ‘how’ to wean but each child is so very different, as you say. I have asked for support from my HV but she wasn’t helpful at all! Said all ‘the right things’ but I could tell from her eyes that she wasn’t really where I was with all this and didn’t say anything helpful at all. I have contacted La Leche and they replied via email and invited me to a group miles from my house. They said they would reply again when I declined to attend and haven’t. I am reading about gentle weaning wherever I can, but you know what? I just can’t seem to summon up the energy to ‘do’ more than we are. I am going a long the lines of don’t offer / don’t refuse and taking it as slow as we can. If I can crack the not needing to nurse constantly between the hours of sometimes 12 – 4 or sometimes more, then that would help. We co-sleep for part of the night so it’s not like I am getting up and down. But it is disrupting all of our sleep. Hers too. She just needs a bit of comfort and then goes back to sleep. The other night she did stay in her cot until 4 am after going back down at 12 midnight. That was unusual. I was happy to have her snuggle back in to bed after that because I managed 4 hours uninterrupted sleep. If she wakes, she just wants me and won’t settle with anyone else. That’s ok but it does mean that my partner feels redundant and is very supportive but I think deep down, he is feeling the pinch of all this and is keen for me to wean and get her in to a big girl bed so everyone can have a more peaceful night. I am a bit at a loss as to what to do next. On some level, I am wondering whether to wait until the end of the month when the anniversary of losing our other baby girl passes, because it’s probably too much to do all at once. But then again am I in this space of “it will be better / easier / gentler etc, when I xxxxxx” and that utopic time never arrives :0) Part of me wonders about just stopping but that too is so terribly traumatic for everyone involved and feels all wrong. Any thoughts or advice or sources for info would be gratefully received. Your post was so very helpful and well timed. Much love and light to you all too x x x