You could say I’m a lazy parent when it comes to nighttime. I’d rather have my kids in my bed than have to get out of bed and tend to them. Probably at this point, my toddler would sleep better if he didn’t have me near him to bump into, and to remind him of his boob addiction. But, alas, every attempt at nightweaning that I have tried (OK, I don’t try very hard) just makes the two of us more exhausted, and when I’m exhausted, I just give up.
Then, there are a few precious weeks of decent sleep, and I think, “This isn’t so bad. He’s practically sleeping through!”
But then the crazy begins again. And I’m so tired I pour orange juice in my older son’s cereal (he used wake up as much as his brother, and now sleeps like a log, so there is hope). And I write a post chronicling all the many reasons I have been woken up in the middle of the night by my toddler in the past week.
Here it goes…
1. It’s too hot.
2. It’s too cold.
3. He wants to show his grandma the part in the book where the crane lifts the ice cream truck up into the air.
5. Seltzer (is mine the only toddler who drinks seltzer?).
6. The seltzer I gave him an hour ago lost its fizz.
8. The water’s not cold enough.
10. “I just need you, mommy” (stop melting my heart when I want die I’m so tired).
11. He wants to go back to the wedding we went to three weeks ago.
12. “Where’s Daddy?”
13. We need new batteries for his toy drill (thanks for the reminder, buddy).
15. Other side.
16. “There’s no milk left, Mommy!”
17. “Where are you, Mommy?” (as I mentioned, I sleep right beside him).
18. “Don’t take me to the place where there are snakes” (this was many months ago, and he showed no fear at the time).
19. “I want a lollipop!” (half-awake, half-dreaming).
20. Kicking me in the head.
21. Kicking my husband in the head.
22. Kicking his brother in the head.
23. Can’t find his socks (he never wears socks to bed).
24. “I just need your milk, Mommy!” (I have been playing dead for the past few minutes).
26. “Can I please have your milk, Mommy?” (heart melts again—and where did this kid learn manners?).
27. “I want to watch TV” (NO!).
28. “No, Mommy, it really is morning.” (Have you ever tried arguing with a two-year-old?)
29. “I want a granooool-ya bar.”
30. At 7am, when it really is time to get up, and I’m attempting to untangle myself from his arms: “I just want to sleep, Mommy.”