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Nursing In The Dark

My son will be three in September. Nursing has been changing lately. Most of it is done at naptime and bedtime/wake-up. I realized today that I can’t remember the last time he nursed during the day. A couple of times I have asked him if he wanted to, when he was really upset and I sensed that nursing could help him relax. He declined. I know the way weaning usually works: there is a lot of back and forth. Nursing sessions aren’t just dropped overnight. So I’m not ready to say that he is never going to nurse while we’re snuggled up on the couch again. But I have no way of knowing for sure. Maybe he’s just done with it.

I feel proud of him for not needing that afternoon or mid-morning nurse with the urgency he did before. And I feel a sense of wonderment about it because my older son wasn’t at this point when he was this age. I feel a bit of sorrow too, of course—that bittersweet feeling you get as your child reaches a milestone.

So lately we have just been nursing in the dark. Sometimes it’s light enough for me to watch him nurse—other times not so much. In just a few months he might be done napping, and that session will slide away. Today I realized all this with a rush of feeling, and so I decided to take pictures of our naptime nurse, in the half-dark.

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Oh my child, growing, changing, loving, breaking my heart, putting it back together again.

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6 thoughts on “Nursing In The Dark”

  • I am grateful in ways that hum deep in my bones for the years of nursing I had with my girls. Such a profound period in their and our lives. We went continuously from September of 2004 through August of 2010 between the three—hard to be done, but so good. This was lovely.

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  • I don’t know but this made me tear up. I have a preemie that is almost 5 months old, but only about 2 months old corrected gestation. We’ve worked SO hard for breastmilk, but my supply has never been overly abundant. Who knows why…HELLP syndrome, a preemie, the stress of a micro-preemie in a NICU for 3 months?
    The only time we get peaceful nursing is overnight. He doesn’t need a bottle to supplement at night…he looks for the breast…I help him find it…and he calmly nurses until he falls back asleep. So beautiful to see someone else in the dark.

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  • The last line you wrote is beautiful! It struck a chord with me. My nursling is 15 months and I always wonder when he’ll want to wean. He’s my second child so I don’t get much one on one time with him, so our nursing time is so important to us. Much love to you and your babes 🙂

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